The Schultz Files

Access to Water: DENIED!

2008-08-22T10:49:00.001-04:00

The water ban recently imposed by London City Council has me stumped. There are several issues that immediately spring to my mind when contemplating this mind-boggling restriction. First of all, who bans water? What kind of totalitarian regime prevents its citizens from access to clean, refreshing H2O? It seems absolutely ridiculous. The “litter” theory doesn’t really fly with me, or it would be all bottled drinks under the ban, not just water. Soda pop and juice also come in plastic bottles, so why do they get to remain on the shelves? This brings me to my second point: What message does this send to today’s youth? “Sure, you can’t buy water –so go ahead and purchase the sugary, syrupy drinks instead”. And this is supposed to help curb the increase in childhood obesity and type-two diabetes? Is the Council in cahoots with the soft drink industry? Who knows? The biggest soft drink maker in the world would LOVE this deal. Furthermore, it seems easy to offer the water fountain solution, but seriously, who wants to drink London tap water? Not only does it taste like a swimming pool, but recent history dictates that the filtration process leaves a lot to be desired in this province. I drink two litres of water a day. I certainly don’t want it to come from the less-than-predictable tap-water system that contains the remnants of other people’s prescription medication, bacteria, and who knows what else? Perhaps London is looking at this the wrong way. If the true rationale for this ban is to limit bottles in landfills, maybe instead of flat-out banning the sale of water, the city could invest its resources on a better recycling program –i.e. more bins in more places. Or, if Council really wants to restrict Londoners’ access to something, perhaps a ban on coffee-shop paper cups that aren’t even recyclable at all!!! How many of THOSE end up in landfills? The city’s elected officials should readjust their collective paradigm. The goal should be to teach and/or continue to encourage
Londoners of this generation –and of those generations to come, to do the right thing. Empower your citizens, London, don’t punish them.

No Parking. I Mean It. No... Seriously.

2007-11-27T13:00:00.000-05:00

I am amazed at how many Starbucks coffee drinkers are apparently illiterate. I am speaking specifically about those who frequent the Chapters/Starbucks in the north end. It concerns me how so many patrons drive their cars, clearly unable to read the parking signs in the lot. How many times, on any given day, at any given time, does one see the vehicles belonging to those die-hard latte drinkers, lining the fence that is clearly marked with no-parking signs? Now, maybe I’m wrong, but I was under the impression that a no-parking sign meant that there was to be no parking there. Is it me? Or how about the cars that just pull up in front of the café and park right there in front of the entrance, forcing parking lot traffic to go around, or wait for the oncoming vehicles to clear? Perhaps mandatory Drivers’ Ed recertification is in order? This behaviour is offensive even when the lot is crowded, but absolutely abhorrent when the lot is basically empty. Yes, you may just be “running in for a coffee”, but guess what? That’s what the rest of us are doing, too. Most of us park in a legitimate parking space every time –even if it’s raining, or snowing, or if we have to park 50 feet away. Do you know why? Because those are the rules! If you can’t get out of your legally parked car and walk 20 feet to the door, perhaps you should be going through a Drive-Thru. The audacity to exist, believing the rules don’t apply to you! Maybe the issue isn’t literacy. Maybe it’s elitism? Perhaps it is apathy or sheer laziness? One thing for sure, it is inappropriate and shameful. I can’t even count the amount of times that I’ve witnessed a delivery truck unable to complete its mission due to illegally parked vehicles in the way, leaving the driver no choice but to sit and wait for the offenders to return to and move their cars. I’m just sorry I didn’t get to see any illegally parked cars get damaged or blocked in by vehicles actually permitted to be in the area. That would at least be gratifying, instant karma. This current culture, revolving around “the cult of the individual” –the misappropriation of individual rights, leaves very little room for consideration of the common good. No wonder we have a society full of children and adolescents who believe their actions require no consequences –that the rules don’t apply to them. Why not? Look at their role models. Just remember: it’s not about YOU. We all have to co-exist together; therefore, we must all abide by the rules put in place to ensure the appropriate ebb and flow of society. The rules apply to everyone: even those of us who drink Starbucks coffee.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Have we strayed too far from a sense of community? Do individual rights trump the common good now?

BACK TO GOOD

2007-10-23T15:32:00.000-04:00

The saga of Piggy continues. Over the last week, the Pig's immune system has decided to listen to reason (or at least to the cocktail of medications continuously crammed down her throat), and has her well on the road to a full recovery. She is no longer being force-fed, and is now living up to her name, as she expects my (our) home to be a perpetual all-you-can-eat buffet. A few weeks ago, she had no interest in what would normally be considered her favourite treats -which is what alerted me to her illness. Now, I can't even step foot into the kitchen without her hot on my heels, expecting to cash-in on whatever it is that I went in for. She is blatantly disappointed when I only go in to retrieve a spoon -or a Lysol wipe. I can't even open the fridge without her literally trying to get inside. What can I say? She's back, baby. She is playing with her toys, accompanying me to the washroom, and initiating her nightly snuggle routine again. Her friends, Jeebus LasVegas, Spanky, and Hee Haw are excited to have their playmate back. We are all forever grateful to the folks at The East London Animal Hospital and the Emergency Vet Clinic for everything they did to help bring Piggy back to good!

Mmmm.... Littery...

2007-10-21T23:23:00.000-04:00

Well, it is less than a week now until the 4th Annual All Hallows Eve Bash. I am less than prepared this year. Everything is all out of whack right now. Hold on... Stop right there. What the heck is "whack"? Is that a legitimate term, "out of whack"? When is anything ever "in whack"? Sorry. I just really want to try to validate at least one of the odd terms that has found itself entrenched in my vernacular. Anyway... back to the lack of preparation.... I wasn't sure if I was going to still be in London at this point, so not wanting to place any carts before any of my fictional horses, I chose a more "low key" approach to the decorations this year. My modest Halloween trimmings (both inside and out) in no way reflect the uber-excitement I feel each year at this time. There is something about Halloween that does it for me! The idea of becoming something or someone completely opposite from the person you are, even if just for one night, seems appealing to me. I take pride in my creative costumes and love entertaining friends and family during the Bash! I also love to be the match that strikes the "oooh...ahhh" flame with my shock-value delicacies. I'm speaking specifically about the annual jello-brain autopsy, and the more recent addition: the kitty litter cake. These completely edible -yet visually horrifying desserts invoke a myriad of reactions throughout the night, from "awesome" to "that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen and I refuse to look at it, let alone try to eat it". Reaction is my desired outcome -I don't care what kind. The kitty litter cake went practically untouched last year -due to its authentic look, and I debated as to whether or not to serve it this time around. I then heard that it was being discussed by some invited guests who, this year, wanted to give it a try. Well that just made my mind up right there. So, I bought all the necessary ingredients with which to horrify and disgust my party guests on Saturday. There will be comments, squeamish winces, looks of disgust -and possibly even some dry heaves. I'm ready to make the culinary oddity with delight! Hey... I've got to give the people what they want.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What's the most disgusting thing you've ever eaten (or refused to eat)?

TO FORGIVE AND FORGET: THAT IS THE QUESTION

2007-10-19T10:24:00.000-04:00

So everyone has heard the cliche, "forgive and forget". I would like to submit my '2 cents' on the subject.

Can one actually accomplish that which is being asked? I'm going to say no.

I can completely validate and support the concept of forgiveness, for it is with the holding of grudges that, over time, we become cold, hard, cynical, and unfeeling. We try to teach children the concept of empathy and the value of an apology. What are we modeling by being unforgiving and resistant to compassion? Holding a grudge, in fact, does nothing more than keep the negative feelings within oneself, ultimately affecting only the grudge holder. In fact, many times, the 'offender' is completely unaware that another harbours ill feelings towards him/her. By holding that grudge, who is really suffering? The person with whom the grudge-holder takes issue? No. Chances are he/she is either unaware of the hurt feelings, or more likely, no longer even cares. So who is really suffering? Sure -it is the person who has been unable or unwilling to forgive. That person is in a perpetual state of emotional negativity as a result of refusing to let go. To hold a grudge is, in essence, continuing to give the offender the power, as the grudge holder is kept an emotional prisoner, controlled by possible feelings of anger, hate, vengeance and a general ill-will towards the offender. A futile state, especially if the offender no longer 'gives a damn'. Of course, not every offence requires forgiveness. In fact, many do NOT. What DOES need to happen, however, is for the grudge holder to at least let go, even if forgiveness is impossible. One can reconcile oneself to NOT forgive completely, but one MUST find a way to purge oneself of all the negative energy and emotional drain. For one's own sake, the weight needs to be lifted, with or without true forgiveness.

My real issue with the 'forgive and forget' mantra is the 'forget' part. Each experience we have on this planet (whether you believe we are here once or that we have several 'kicks at the can') shapes us into the people we are. Both positive AND negative experiences teach us lessons that we need to learn in order to be truly empathetic, learned and evolved spirits. It is with our most trying times that we learn the greatest lessons -even if we can't interpret the significance at the time. The most difficult situations (and people) reveal to us quite a bit about ourselves, our society, our friends and family, and our assumptive worldview in general. Why would ANYONE want to forget? Sure, we may want to stifle the memory of specific details, but the overall lesson should be accessible to our conscious memories. Besides, in forgetting our trials and tribulations, we set ourselves up for repeating the same mistakes. If you are able to forgive someone for their sins upon you, by all means do so.... but don't EVER forget that it happened. What is the old saying... "fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me"? If you forget lessons of the past, you are likely to be 'fooled twice'. It is almost entrenched in my psyche now, as a History teacher, to evaluate the lessons of the past, and apply them to the present and future. One's personal history is just as important as the macrocosm. I'm not sure why we are so reluctant to actually learn from the mistakes of the past... whether it be our own personal indiscretions, those of our society, or those of other civilizations. The lessons are abundant in all cases, but we turn a blind eye, believing they have no relevance to us.

But... here is the REAL question. If you continue to remember ---choosing NOT to forget, can you truly, whole-heartedly forgive? Can you tell someone that they are absolved of their sins if you never really wipe the slate clean? Can you truly mend fences with the continued knowledge of someone's misdeeds toward you? My guess is no, not completely. A catch-22, indeed. Maybe that is good. Maybe one should never completely wipe that slate clean... Proceeding with caution in regards to those who have offended you is probably the best way to go.

Should you forgive and forget? I'd say no. CAN you really forgive and forget. I'd still say no...for the axe is never really buried if you mark the spot where it lies.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Is there an act that is unforgivable?

THOUGHTS ON CHARACTER

2007-10-17T12:38:00.000-04:00

Eleanor Roosevelt once said that our character is determined by the choices we make, rather than our accomplishments. It's true. Our true character (or lack thereof) shines through whether we want it to or not. We can say whatever we want to ourselves and others, but our actions are the true measure. We all make choices, and must accept whatever consequences that follow. To be true to oneself is the real key to success. The following has been my favourite poem for as long as I can remember, and I try to live by its sentiment:

The Man in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day,

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass.

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum

And think you're a wonderful guy.

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please--never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear to the end.

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass.

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass.

-Herb Score

HAVE YOUR SAY: Character. Hmmm.... Discuss.

POPE? NOPE!

2007-10-16T21:33:00.000-04:00

A while ago, the London Free Press included an article about how the new Pope (Benedict) takes issue with Canadian society, (and modern society, in general), specifically mentioning the lack of children being born. In the article, he is said to chastise society for being too "secular," stating that the lack of adherence to scripture makes us void of morality. The article presents his views on how the reduction in birth rates is completely unacceptable. The article cites something like the fact that there are 10.4 children for every 1000 adults (or something along those lines). Okay... the blood pressure is starting to spike. First of all, I'm sorry that the Catholic Grand Puba is stuck in a time warp --this is not 1945... Someone should really let him know that the baby boom is over --and that we, the next generation, are stuck with the mess (both societal and financial), resulting from that population explosion.

Second, the earth is overpopulated as it is with homeless and unwanted children, but alas, many of them aren't Catholic, so I guess they don't really count.

Third, who is expected to raise all these "necessary" children? Was the Pope's use of the word "secular" just a subversive way of saying "non-traditional", ("traditional," of course, meaning a stay at home woman with nothing more to contribute to society than a womb)? Likely. I can't even begin to discuss that --anyone who know me knows that I could actually have an aneurysm in the process.

Fourth --who is to pay for all these children? How responsible is it for couples to randomly punch out kids? The cost of living does not allow for large families anymore. Diapers for one year, per child, can be upwards of $1000. Is the Vatican going to pay tuition fees for all children to attend University?? These days, Post-Secondary education is more of a necessity than a "leg up" for a good paying job. The average 2.5 children per family is enough of a financial drain on said family, and society in general. He wants more? If you ask me, I think the earth has to have time to regenerate. We are already a drain on the planet's natural resources, not to mention the economic strain put on a society when people produce children whom they are unable to feed, clothe or house.

Finally, I'd like to point out the utter ridiculousness of taking this type of advice from a man who has never actually had children (that we know of). He lives in his gold-encrusted castle without worry of paying a mortgage, saving for college, or putting food on a table. What are his credentials when dealing with diaper rash, chicken pox, autism, homework, bullying, ear infections, skipping school, the "birds and the bees", "the drug talk", child abuse, etc...? I could go on for two pages here.... He sounds like the perfect authority on the subject (insert sarcastic tone here!)!! If you ask me, he would likely be the LAST person on earth to give advice about the inner workings of marriage and a family. Has he even babysat a teething infant for an evening?? Tell you what: he can come and teach preschool for a week --16 toddlers for 9hrs --THEN we'll see if he thinks the earth needs MORE kids!

Society has shifted to accommodate the needs of the population, and that obviously includes having fewer children. I guess that doesn't matter because the POPE (who obviously still resides in the 16th century) says we need to get busy copulating. Ya... I'll get right on that. Sorry, Benny.... I can't. I'm too busy reading The DaVinci Code.

I'm going to get letters.

MINISTRY OF TRANSPORTATION CONSPIRACY??

2007-10-15T12:21:00.000-04:00

So... the other day, my friend and I were travelling in the right-hand lane down Western Road, when the car beside me decided to enter my lane. Of course the driver didn't check to see if anyone was actually occupying my lane, she just went ahead and tried to do the merge. After a slam of the brakes and pound on the horn, the woman's passenger pointed to the Laurnado (my car), at which time she abruptly altered her plans for a lane change, and pulled back into her designated area -a near miss. As she sped up and passed me, it became clear that she was elderly, as was her passenger. The blue hair was a clear confirmation -as was the poppy symbol on her license plate, indicating "Veteran" status.

Now, I am all for elderly people maintaining a driver's license -as long as they can continue to handle the rules, regulations and responsibility of the road... That applies to ALL age groups as far as I'm concerned, but especially the elderly. However, it is not an ageist bias I have... I am simply reacting to nature's inevitable cruelty. As we age, our reflexes are slowed, our vision and hearing become less acute, and our overall functioning level becomes generally less efficient. That's not a judgement, it's a scientific fact. That, mixed with the already-present dangers of the mean streets, does not a party make!

This is why I agreed with my friend when she suggested the possibility of a Government conspiracy concerning the whole "Veteran" license plate thing. On the surface, it seems like a wonderful way to honour those who fought for our freedom in the Great Wars, however, what what lies beneath? Could there be an ulterior motive? We already know the dangers of elderly folks on the road, yet we also know that we live in an era where we do not "discriminate" based on Age, Sex, Race, Creed, Orientation, or what have you. The Government can not justify putting a big sticker on the plates of a car to indicate that an elderly person is behind the wheel - as a signal to law enforcement and other motorists. No... that would be ageist discrimination, and the Charter would have none of it! But what a wonderful, even if slightly underhanded, way to warn fellow travellers of an octogenarian motorist -- honour them by using a standard, recognizable symbol! That way, they get the recognition they deserve, and those of us who share the road can have ample warning... and no one is offended. Two birds; one stone. Ahh, the True North, Strong and Free.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Should there be mandatory driving tests for people once they reach a certain age?

OPEN WIDE... CHOO CHOO... HERE COMES THE TUNA TRAIN!!!!

2007-10-12T19:32:00.000-04:00

Picture if you will: A sickly feline, a devoted cat-mom, a can of wet food, a towel, and a syringe. No good could come of this scenario.

Piglet is home under the condition that I FORCE-FEED a can of wet food every day. Her liver is in a state of self-repair, and a lack of nutrients will make her regress, undoing all the progress we've made thus far. As much as her name might indicate otherwise, Piglet is not really a big eater. She likes a lot of different kinds of food (her favourite for begging purposes: applesauce), but does not really eat beyond her capacity for storage. She will beg for something but when I finally submit to her pleas, she will sniff the food at hand, look at me, then walk away. It is, in fact, all about the successful hunt for her, as opposed to the enjoyment of the actual prize. This is why it is so difficult to force-feed the Pig. She doesn't want it.

I have been instructed to wrap her little kitty-body in a towel -nice and tight -as if she were a feline burrito. I am then to suck up, into a syringe, a bunch of watered down wet-food, at which point I am supposed to hold her down, open her mouth, and inject the nutritious morsels into the back of her throat. No problem. Sounded like a well laid out plan. Yeah. One factor that comes into play here, though: THIS IS THE PIG AND PIG DOESN'T DO WHAT PIG DOESN'T WANT TO DO. She has made it very clear to me that this whole feeding thing goes way beyond the boundaries of our relationship -as if I am in breech of some contract, for which she will plot, and eventually seek vengeance. For those of you who don't know the Pig, she is a feline version of Stewie Griffin (a la Family Guy). She schemes, she plots, and she has enough attitude to shame a classroom full of tenth grade girls. She is furious about our new dinner dates and expresses her opinion in no uncertain terms. When she's not hissing and growling at me as I try to nourish her poor depleted frame, she is violently shaking her head from side to side, making it nearly impossible for me to cram her yap full of tuna-like goodness. What DOES make it into her mouth may or may not remain there, as she has somehow learned to close her throat, and to spit the remnants back out at me. By the end of each feeding session, we are both drenched head to toe in cat food. I feel bad for her, but it's called tough love -and any decent parent out there will know that sometimes you have to be a hard ass for the benefit of all involved.

I love my Pig. Clearly. I wouldn't be doing this for shites and giggles. Put it this way, after the amount of money that went into her little 10.7lb body this week, in addition to my blood, sweat and tears over this food thing, she's damned lucky she's cute. Oh... who am I kidding? She's my "fur child". Of course I'm going to do what I can to help her survive. Any pet owner (a REAL pet owner) would do the same. So, I guess I will continue on the path to wellness, and do my parental duty -albeit unpleasant for both of us. I will continue to wear regurgitated MediCal with pride, knowing that I am a good mom, and I'm sure, despite the spitting, growling, and hissing, Piggy thinks so too.

Godspeed, little Pig.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Have you ever had to make the decision that "enough was enough" when it came to a treatment for a pet?

CHOOSE YOUR POISON

2007-10-10T23:16:00.000-04:00

Well, the ballots have been tallied and the results are in. It was an overwhelming victory for Liberal ring-leader, Dalton McGuinty, despite his four-year trail of broken promises. When compared to the PC opposition, however, I suppose he would be the lesser of the two front-running evils. Sorry Howie, but as much as I wanted you to be the Tortoise who beats the snot out of the Hare, it wasn't ever in the cards --maybe in 2011. That just leaves the conveniently named PC candidate, John Tory, and the hero of the Developmental Services sector (insert sarcastic tone here), Dalton McGuinty. To choose between Tory or McGuinty.... Hmmm. Isn't that like deciding between a gall bladder attack and a kidney stone, or getting to choose your method of execution? Either way, you're screwed. It's the old cliche come to life: Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Ontarians have spoken and have decided to opt for the devil they know as opposed to one less familiar. One would have thought that Howard Hampton might have looked like a golden opportunity at this point, however, the NDPs are still being spanked for the "leadership" of Bob Rae in the 90s. You remember Bob Rae --the NDP who just ran for the Liberal leadership? Clearly his was a personal folly and not that of an entire Party (though he sure wrestled the New Democratic name to the ground and left it to die). Interesting. Ontarians sure can hold a grudge. Never mind what Mike Harris was responsible for: the PC party still seems to find itself as the opposition. McGuinty's track record is less than stellar. In fact, it shakily sits on the fence of "inappropriate", yet Ontarians gave him four more years to make, then break, promises. Why the big red tape for Howard Hampton? Would he not have been the lesser of the evils in comparison to his running mates? He's the only one who really didn't seem insane. Did people hate Bob Rae so much that they are willing to let Dalton McGuinty bend Ontario over for four more years? It looks like it.

It is at this point in Ontario's history where we can look to the wisdom of my favourite movie of all time, Ghostbusters:

Gozer: "Choose and perish"
Ray Stantz: "Choose? Choose what? We don't understand?"
Gozer: "Choose the form of the destructor"

The next four years in Ontario will prove that life really does imitate art! (Though in the movie they "cross the streams" and get to send the evil back to hell, leaving everyone to live happily ever after -until the crappy sequel).

Can we at least take all the signs down now?

HAVE YOUR SAY: Election 2007 -are you happy with the results?

The Caramilk Secret Is Out! Quick!!! Put It Back In!!

2007-10-09T16:25:00.001-04:00

It is a little known fact that there is a creature, much like the Chupacabra, that sneaks into your house at night -in pure Santa Claus fashion, and tampers with the food in your cupboards. Centuries ago, this creature, the CARAMILKASAURUS roamed the earth, sneaking into dwellings, and licked all the perishable food products within. Only 5 centimetres in height, the CARAMILKASAURUS went virtually undetected. After going from residence to residence, licking all food in sight, the creature would have to void his bowels. The waste material was a chocolate like substance with a sweet creamy filling, and became a delicacy to those who happened to find this delicious treat. It sounds slightly disturbing upon first hearing of this revelation, however, we must remember that it isn't as bad as it sounds. The best coffee in the world has passed through the digestive tract of the Luack -an exotic, cat-like creature. The Luack eats the coffee beans, and as they move through its system, the chemical processes give them a chocolaty-type flavour. This, too, is a delicacy, for which connoisseurs will pay top dollar. We are just fortunate that a CARAMILK bar is affordable for the rich and poor alike. The CARAMILKASAURUS is not to be feared, but revered! This legendary creature -like the Yeti and the Loch Ness Monster, is elusive and has become the subject of much investigation. Many cultures have their own version of the CARAMILK secret, but the one constant is the creamy caramel goodness within. I, for one, say "thank you, CARAMILKASAURUS", for what would become of our collective "sweet tooth" without your delicious feces?

HAVE YOUR SAY: Have I officially lost my mind?

DAMN YOU, TURKEY DINNER!

2007-10-08T18:19:00.000-04:00

Well, there you have it. I wait months and months to satisfy my chronic turkey-stuffing-potato-turnip-cranberry-pumpkin pie craving, only to have it unleash a world of fury on my physiological system. The feud between the Thanksgiving dinner and my gall bladder dates back several generations -back to the first Thanksgiving, in fact. Hey, the story of the first Thanksgiving has been so bastardized by North American text books, my little addition will go practically unnoticed, I'm sure.
Anyway, let's just say that every time I eat a turkey dinner, bets are laid as to which powerhouse entity will win -the poultry or the gall bladder. Each puts up a pretty good fight, but ultimately, there can only be one victor. I believe Pay Per View has signed on for the exclusive rights to show this year's cage-match between my "bile-driving" (get it? Pile-driving?) gall bladder and the "sleeper hold" maneuvering poultry. Why can't we all just get along?

THE SPAWNING

2007-10-06T23:21:00.000-04:00

What the hell?

I have no fruit in my house right now, yet every where I look, there is a fruit-fly. Huh? It is driving me crazy because I can't find the source: the lifeblood of their stupid little 3-day existence. Where are they coming from? Will they migrate with the robins for the winter? What possible purpose could they serve here on earth, except to validate the notion of Karmic retribution, by way of returning in a future existence as a lower life form. Why are they so damned fast,leaving me defenseless against their scheming ways? Can I charge them rent then take legal action for their failure to pay? Will a lawyer ever take the case?

Have they already driven me insane?

HAVE YOUR SAY: Have you ever had the nuisance of a colony (herd, gaggle, murder, flock, etc.) of fruit flies mysteriously show up in your home?

PIGGY ON THE MEND

2007-10-06T23:04:00.000-04:00

I thought I might submit a quick update on the status of "The Pig". This morning I called the vet's office to find out about Piglet's night away from home. I have no human children, but I imagine the experience (and anxiety) is similar to that of a parent calling to check in after a child's first sleepover experience. Anyway, by all accounts, Pig was in great spirits this morning and even seemed happy to see the staff as they arrived. This, of course, is an anomaly, as "Princess Pig" usually protests her captors in the loudest, most violent (not to mention most unflattering) way possible. Just a side note -Piggy has been previously "flagged" as being a "temperamental" individual (to put it nicely). Imagine the techs and their surprise when she was purring and administering "headbutts of love" as they gave her some early morning affection.

Even though she had a good night and ate well -though only when fed from one's hand and not from her dish (I told you she saw herself as a princess"), she still had to be transferred to the Emergency Vet Clinic so she can be given constant fluids and monitored over the holiday weekend. I felt bad though -when I picked her up at the vet to transfer her to the hospital, I think she thought she was going home. Sorry Pig. It killed me to leave her at the EVC, but it is for the best. She needs round the clock care and continued IV. She almost broke my heart though -I could hear her meowing her pleas of release, even as I was walking out the door.

I now know what it means to say, "this hurts me more than it will hurt you".

Hopefully she'll be well enough for me to take her home by Monday.

POOR POOR PITIFUL PIG

2007-10-06T06:47:00.000-04:00

Sad day.

Earlier in the week, I noticed that my 17lb cat, "Piglet" was not acting the way that "Piglet" was supposed to. Pig has certain routines and habits that you can normally set your watch by -but she didn't seem to be engaging in any of them! Hmm. A cause for alarm. Thursday morning I booked a vet appointment for Friday -and it was a good thing that I did. Piggy had dropped to 10.7lbs -a dramatic weight loss for a cat -that was almost half her body weight. Some blood tests and two x-rays later, it was determined that my wee Piggy was in the early stages of liver failure, likely due to a gall bladder issue. The option was either full-speed ahead with treatment -or, it would all be over yesterday. Piglet is only 3 years old and normally full of life. I was not prepared to make the decision to send her to that big litter box in the sky, so, full speed ahead with treatment. She remains in the hospital until they can get her to eat. Should she go the weekend without eating on her own, a feeding tube will be inserted into the stomach and I will have to nourish her via a syringe. This is going to cost me my first born -likely through to 4th born children. Wait -who am I kidding? Fourth-born? Nice try. (She said shuddering!)

Anyway, I hope she is soon on the mend. I want this little piggy to come wee wee wee all the way home. I miss her.

HEY YOU! GET OFF MY LAWN!

2007-10-04T22:45:00.000-04:00

One can always tell when an election is around the corner. Aside from unsolicited phone calls and front-door visits from political candidates and their henchmen, it is the time when the political propaganda eye-sores begin springing up on lawns across the province. Don't get me wrong, everyone has the right to voice their support (albeit visually) on their own property. My issue, however, is in regards to what boils down to political litter on public property. I can't even count the number of times I have driven by a vacant lot, mall boulevard, or business, only to be greeted with what seems like dozens of competing parties' visual "pick me" posters. It looks like government sanctioned graffiti just randomly strewn around the city. It's almost like the candidates feel that if, on the side of the road, their signs outnumber those of the next guy, people are just stupid enough to switch their vote. "Uh, duh... that there guy done got himself 3 more signs than that there other guy. We'd best vote for him then". That must be the strategy. I see no other reason for the powers that be to allow such pointless clutter to litter our streets. In actual fact, the more signs I see randomly scattered about like pollen in the spring, the less likely I am to vote for that party. It seems logical to me: the more crap a party distributes around town, the less I want that group to run the place. Think about it another way: here we are, responsible adults, reprimanding teens for vandalizing public property. In essence, we are telling them that a) what they may have to say does not matter (aka-nobody cares what your opinion is) and b) it is wrong to defile public property. Hmmm. Yet every time there is an election, politicians and their representatives engage in the very activity that we are constantly deeming as inappropriate. Their signs litter the streets and roadways. Everywhere you look there is visual political bombardment that is no less unappealing than the teenage "artwork" painted on train cars and underpasses. Guess what: nobody cares about your opinion, and it is wrong to defile public property! Hmmm... now where have we heard THAT before....

HAVE YOUR SAY: Is there anything in and around your city (be it temporary or permanent) that you find to be an "eye sore" and wish someone would just do away with it?

DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU!

2007-10-03T21:46:00.000-04:00

Another oldie but goodie:
Recently, a personal situation has prompted me to evaluate my personal relationships, and the people in my life. I got to thinking, "what if I were a corporation?" I would need to conduct evaluations of my "employees", and assess whether or not they are a good fit for my company. Would "Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc." keep certain people employed? Would I need to terminate anyone based on performance reviews? My reflection resulted in some surprises, but for the most part, the results were predictable. The following would be a "rejection letter" to those whose services are no longer required. Keep in mind, all rights are reserved:

LAURIE C. SCHULTZ & AFFILIATES, INC.

To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for your interest in potential cordial relations with Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. Unfortunately, we have found you to have insufficient qualifications, and therefore, we are unable to accommodate your request for friendship. In light of recent events, you are in breech of contract, making your offer null and void. In accordance with the implied terms and conditions of your probation, you have failed to satisfy the requirements, thus terminating your current status. In short, your services are no longer required.

We here at Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. adjudicate all applicants in a fair and reasonable manner, evaluating candidates with the utmost leniency and compassion. In the interest of integrity, we conduct frequent evaluations of all potential and current friends of Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. We have limited space, with room for only the truly qualified candidates. To be fair to future applicants, we request that you discontinue applying for this position, as you have been coded “non-re-hirable”.

We appreciate your interest, and wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Laurie C. Schultz, B.Ed., BA., E.C.E.
CEO, President, & Human Resources Manager,
Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Have you ever had to fire a friend? If so, how did you do it? If not, and you really wanted to, what stopped you?

SURVIVOR: CBS' SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT?

2007-10-02T21:47:00.000-04:00

As TV networks continue to unveil their season premiers, I thought it was time to revisit an issue that has irked me for some time now. Society's fascination with "Survivor", the CBS "reality" show (and I use the term loosely) continues to floor me. I wrote this piece in 2005, but funny enough, it is still as relevant today as it was back then:

Okay... the new TV season has started and yes, we got stuck with another few months of Survivor. I don't remember where they are located this time. Does it really matter? What difference does it make anyway? Yes the faces are different, but it's the same thing...

Anyway... the first year, Survivor was entertaining to me, but this is what, the 9th one now? (or something like that). Each year I seem to get more and more disturbed by the show. Watching this year's season premier made me reflect on what it is that we are actually watching when we tune in to Survivor. On the surface it seems mildly entertaining, but what about the underlying social and psychological aspects? What are we actually watching when we see Jeff Probst hold up a piece of pizza, making his worn, tired, starving, emotionally and physically drained contestants almost burst into tears? It made me think of how sad it is that we, as a society, consider THAT entertaining. What we are actually witnessing is nothing more than a "humanized" version of the experiments BF Skinner did with his lab rats. Skinner demonstrated the learning theory of operant conditioning, using lab rats as a means. It is a learning theory based on rewards. He used food pellets in exchange for "tricks" as it were.... The rats soon learned that by pressing a button, food came down the shoot. They continued to press the button, and food continued to appear. These rats learned all sorts of neat tricks. The same theory applies when we train our pets: the completion of a desired action = a reward. Skinner used rats and treats. CBS uses people and money. It is such a sad social commentary when we have people WILLINGLY put their lives in danger and resort to the lowest common denominator in humanity just to make a buck. These people become neanderthals, humiliating themselves and each other, lie, cheat and back stab. By completely disregarding any sense of human decency and manners, they basically eliminate all the things we teach our kindergarten children, and revert back to uncivilized, cromagnon ways. The best part is -- millions of viewers swallow it whole every single week. Nice.

In fact, I am actually appalled by the fact that our so-called 'civilized' citizens (especially the contestants who line up for miles to be picked) subscribe to these tactics used by CBS and Mark Burnette--well, any reality show for that matter. We claim to be such an elevated species-- far above any other organism on the planet, but in actual fact, we are the ones who are the animals. In fact, I will go as far as to say that we are worse... we have the ability to reason, where an animal does not. They function merely on instinct. Their behaviour is based on survival, not humiliation or greed. As rational human beings with the ability to reason, people who defy their sense of character, humiliate each other (and themselves), put themselves in physical danger, lie, cheat, back stab, and do whatever CBS tells them to do in hopes of winning the prize, are really no different than lab rats. They will continue to jump through the proverbial hoops laid out by CBS, and North American society will continue to watch them do it --and call it great TV.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What is society's fascination with watching other people humiliate themselves? Has reality TV gone too far?

Poke The Sleeping Bear

2007-10-01T23:10:00.000-04:00

I have been called a "bear-poker". That's right. No, I don't have a death-wish, but it could be argued that I don't leave well-enough alone. Well, that's because whatever it is, isn't always considered "well-enough" in my books. (Apparently I have books). Nothing bothers me more than injustice. Whether it be through ignorance, or via an envelope-pushing power trip by those in a position of privilege and control; when there is an imbalance of power, someone is likely to get the short end of the proverbial stick. I often find myself using that very stick to poke that slumbering giant, who many would rather tip-toe around, as to not disturb him and arouse a potential fury. I say, "bring it". I am not one to keep my head down and my mouth shut. I am the squeaky wheel in the grease line.

My new business card could read, "Laurie C. Schultz, Bear-Poking, Pot-Stirring, Boat-Rocking, Feather Ruffler". Guilty as charged, I suppose. Sometimes we have to look to the philosophical genius of the great Kenny Rogers. Sometimes we gotta "know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em". I will even go as far as to submit the idea of knowing when to call a potential bluff. Sometimes we need to lay all the cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. All cliches aside, I believe that one must stand up for him or herself. Sometimes one needs to stand up for someone else, too, and face whatever consequences arise, because it's the right thing to do. You see, people who hold power and privilege get used to doing things a certain way, and many times refuse to relinquish some of that control, even though it may be the right thing to do -much like a three-year-old with a new baby in the house. That's when his/her hand needs to be forced. Far too often, many of us are so used to getting the short end of the stick, we decide to lay down and just take whatever comes rolling down the pipe. One must remember, however: the path of least resistance is the quickest route to soul-stripping subordination!

The bottom line is, we are all responsible for the power dynamics in which we find ourselves. I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that we teach people how to treat us. She said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Oh, how true. Establish boundaries and stick to them. No one really wants to put the welcome mat on their back, but once it is there, you'd be surprised at how many people would show up to that open-house. Don't be a door-mat. Set the wrong precedent and you could spend a life-time getting walked on.

Don't let me fool you into a false sense of high-horse euphoria. Stepping out in defense of yourself, or of another, can have dire consequences. If you stick your neck out, it could get slashed and you need to be aware of that going in. One must be prepared for the worst. After all, the right thing to do and the easy thing to do are often two very different things. I have forfeited a few things in my life because I could not simultaneously achieve or maintain them AND take the high road. So, sometimes I lost out -but at least I was able to smile at the face that stared back at me from the mirror. I sleep well at night.

It's easy to let that bear sleep. Sometimes, however, you need to be a human alarm clock.

A good bear-poke is good for the soul, but don't forget to wear your armour.

HAVE YOUR SAY: When have you chosen the "right" thing over the "easy" thing? If you haven't done so, what stopped you?

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S SCHULTZ HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR

2007-09-30T20:53:00.001-04:00

So, in a few short hours the clock will strike midnight, and the calender page will turn to my favourite month of the year: October! The smell of damp foliage, the cinnamon-inspired drinks and desserts, apple orchards, mulled wine, the magnificent
rust colours on the trees -the month is total sensory extravaganza. Aside from all the beauty brought on by the autumn season, October holds a special place in my heart for a more important, more EXCITING reason: HALLOWEEN!

Anyone who knows me knows that Halloween is the biggest holiday for me -leaving all others in the dust by miles. I don't know what it is. I have always been a huge fan of the season. "Season". That is a term on which my neighbours might challenge me. You see, for me, the "season" is not the mere couple of weeks leading up to the glorious pagan ritual... no, the "season" starts on Labour Day Monday. No, I am not kidding, and no, I am not crazy. As far as I'm concerned, if I'm going to go "all out" (as they say) and decorate my humble abode, inside and out, I am going to maximize my spooktacular enjoyment by stretching it out as much as I possibly can. Retail stores start stocking the shelves with Halloween paraphernalia as early as the middle of August. At least I'm waiting until September. Don't try to challenge me on this one. This is an argument that you will never win. Your efforts would be in vain. Anyway, my neighbours know that once the kids start packing their new knapsacks for that first dreaded day of the academic year, their crazy cat-lady neighbour will proudly be erecting the severed head on a spike in the front lawn, alongside the tombstones. Forget Wiarton Willie -I'll tell you when it's time for the seasons to change.

This year, circumstances beyond my control prevented me from adhering to my decorating schedule, but the outside is now finished and tomorrow marks the beginning of my "Extreme Makeover: Halloween Edition" on the inside. Even my cats roll their eyes. It is all for a purpose, however. Each year I throw a big ol' bash where the big event of the night is the ceremonial autopsy of the jello brain. Disgusting, yet edible treats are served, the lighting, decor, and sounds create the perfect ambiance, and the costumes are side-splitting. Who wouldn't have a great time? I take pride in my creative contributions to the evening -especially with respect to my costume. Each year I strain my brain to come up with something creative and unique. It will be a cold day in Hades when I purchase a commercial disguise. Some previous attempts at masquerade genius include: The Pillsbury Doughboy's Dead Wife (COD: Yeast Infection), Father Karas from "The Exorcist" (complete with a can of pea soup all down the front of my smock), Laurie the Human Tornado (aka Laurnado), Carrie (a la Stephen King), Grissom from CSI, Mrs. Roper from "Three's Company", and Road Kill, just to name a few. This year's attempt will be no less creative. Though it is a secret at this point, I assure you, it will generate some laughs and plenty of photo opps.

I spent the day shopping at the new store in London: "Party Packagers: Halloween Extreme Superstore". I thought perhaps I had had a sudden heart-attack and was actually in heaven. I was the kid in the proverbial candy-store. My friend followed me around pushing the cart as I practically danced my way down the aisles. In retrospect, it's actually kind of embarrassing, though I'm assuming more so for my friend.

By the end of the day, my party-shopping was nearly completed. I will be spending the day tomorrow putting the finishing touches on the place. For the next 26 days I will enjoy every ounce of gruesome decor as I sit and stare patiently at the clock, waiting for the magical night to finally arrive.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What are your Halloween traditions? If you don't take part in these festivities, what celebration leaves you sleepless with anticipation?

MATRIMONIAL PANHANDLERS

2007-09-29T19:36:00.000-04:00

How many times have you heard this sentence: "Hey, do you want to buy tickets for my friends' stag and doe?". My guess: too many.

The "stag and doe": an interesting phenomenon in which I used to participate, but now, thanks to an opinion of a friend, resulting in careful contemplation and eventual re-evaluation, I will no longer take part. When one really stops to think about it, the validity of such an event most definitely gets called into question.

Bottom line, this is the message: "I'm throwing a big party that I can't afford to have -so- I need you to participate in another party- so I can then afford the party I really want to have". Huh? Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Weddings can be ridiculously expensive. On the other hand, the bride and groom COULD have a modest celebration that falls within the boundaries of their finances. All too often the couple chooses door number one and can't make it work within their own budget. Here's an idea: Let's have a party so big that it will put us into massive debt. Better yet -let's have this party, but let's have another party and call it a fundraiser to pay for the second party that we can't afford in the first place. We're going to get hitched, but we're going to ask our beloved kindred to foot some of the bill. So, we'll have them buy tickets to the first party, and basically expect them to drop a load of money at the games, auctions, raffles, and bar. Not only that, we'll ask our closest friends to contribute to not only the fundraiser party, but then, we'll have a shower to which everyone will bring a gift, and THEN, they'll bring ANOTHER gift to the actual wedding.

What I'm really trying to say here is, if you can't afford a money-pit wedding, don't have one. Why should your friends be guilted into shouldering some of the burden when you are the one living beyond your means -especially for the sake of one day? How about this instead: either have a smaller, reasonably priced wedding that won't put you in the food-stamp line, or SAVE UP to have the lavish shindig. Why should your party be the financial responsibility of everyone else? It's your party, so cry if you want to -just don't make your nearest and dearest pay to see it.

Let's look at it another way, shall we? Imagine if I organized a pre-birthday party in which I expected all my friends to participate and practically fund, just to raise money so I could throw myself a bigger, better, birthday party for those same friends to attend, gift in hand. It seems downright ridiculous when the scenario changes, doesn't it?

As much as I appreciate my friends and loved ones, please do not take offence when any future solicitations for "stag and doe" parties are met with a unwavering, "no thanks".

HAVE YOUR SAY: Do you think the bride and groom (and perhaps their families) should make arrangements to pay for their own wedding or do you like the "Stag and Doe" fundraiser?

JUMPING THE SHARK

2007-09-28T13:25:00.000-04:00

Well, CBS might as well have had the Fonz on his water-skis last night during the season premier of CSI. Last season left us with Sara Sidle (played by Jorja Fox) trapped under an overturned mustang, left to die, in the middle of the Nevada desert -the final victim of the "Miniature Killer". The finale left us wondering if she was going live or die -as Fox's contract had expired at the end of the season.

Personally, I was hoping that the final curtain would fall upon the whiny CSI. I have never been a fan of her character, and at this point, it is high-time someone on the show loses the battle with the Grim Reaper. You may remember Nick being buried alive two years ago in Quentin Tarantino's CSI directorial debut, "Grave Danger". Well, Nick made it out relatively unscathed. In 2006, Captain Brass was shot and on the verge of death but.... lo' and behold... he made it, too. Now it was Sara Sidle's turn. My 4-month wait (from finale to premier) had me positive that they would not save yet another character from certain death. Clearly I was wrong. Wow. CBS must really think we are a bunch of half-wits to believe such drivel. Well, I'm sorry, but we're not all Survivor fans.

Not only did Sara get herself untied and out of the trunk of a moving car, attacked the killer from the back seat, and escaped a near coyote attack; she escaped from under the overturned car that had been strategically placed on her unconscious body, trapping limbs and breaking bones. Huh? Not only that, but she made it wandering through the desert, dehydrated and disoriented in 110 degree weather for an entire day. She did have the presence of mind, however, to leave a trail of little stacked rocks for her teammates to find her -she is, after all, a CSI, first and foremost, you know. Forget the fact that she'd be completely delirious from heat exhaustion -not to mention the shock from the pain from the broken bones, etc. Right... who COULDN'T survive all that? If you haven't seen the episode yet STOP READING NOW. Okay, I warned you... The hour ended with Sara unconscious in the desert, but of course, she was located by the team just in the nick of time. In the Med-Evac helicopter, she woke up just as Grissom grabbed for her hand. Hold on... ....Wait.... sorry about that. I had to vomit. I thought I was supposed to be watching CSI, not "As The World Sucks".

Now, don't get me wrong -We all know that I will continue to watch the show, as my Grissom addiction is far stronger than any aversion to ridiculous story lines could ever be. I will, however, have to complain about each and every lame plot twist, so beware of the impending rants. At this point, it looks like they are inevitable.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What did you think of the CSI season premier? If you don't watch CSI, what about the kick-off episodes for other shows? Any disappointments?

CAN OPEN: WORMS EVERYWHERE!

2007-09-27T10:24:00.001-04:00

Ready? Today's topic: The Shelf-Life of Matrimony

I am not anti-marriage (really, I'm not). Let's just get that out of the way right now. I AM against people rushing into what is supposed to be a life-long commitment. I am talking about getting married too early in life. A personal situation has yet again reinforced my position on the issue, and I just have to have my say.

Let's look at this rationally, shall we? Marriage is supposed to be an institution to which one needs to be committed (sounds a bit like a mental hospital to me --nyuck nyuck nyuck). But seriously. Why are people choosing to tie that knot so young, with very little life experience? Think back to when you were 21. Are you the same person? My guess is, likely not. If you say that you are, you're either lying, very boring, or should be calling The Guinness Book of Records. I know that I am not the same person from even the age of 25 -and that is only 5 short years ago. Had I married then, we'd be in serious trouble now -no joke. I have changed drastically since then. How can one possibly determine what he or she wants for the rest of his/her life, with little to no real life experience? When you are 18, it is downright foolish to believe that you will be the same person at 50. Sure, we all think that we know what we want, but when it comes down to it, people really do change -it's not just a cliche! Here is where controversy is going to slip in...

'Till Death Do Us Part. Hmmm. An interesting concept. Sure, I can see that being the case when the life expectancy was only 50 years of age. You get married at 21, and spend 29 years together until one of you expires -and even THAT is pushing it. But was marriage really designed to last a modern lifetime? We have people living well into their 90s now. Can you honestly tell me that someone who gets married at 19 -who still has so much to learn, see, and do, can make a 70-year commitment? Of course not. Now before you start waving your finger in what you may call my "cynical" face, stop and think about it. You can't tell me that your tastes haven't changed in the last 20 years in at least one area --food, music, fashion, politics, religion, etc. We are not static beings -that's the beauty of our humanity... we are ever-evolving creatures (I don't necessarily mean in that Darwinesque way, but spiritually, emotionally, socially, & psychologically). As far as I'm concerned, it is absurd to expect 2 people who met as children to stay in a partnership for a lifetime.

Now I'm not suggesting that people stop getting hitched. That's not my goal at all. What I am suggesting is that people WAIT until they are somewhat established in life before choosing a partner with whom to share the journey. Why not wait until you have a career and a solid emotional/social/psychological foundation? Have a good understanding of your own belief and value systems before you seek a partner. There is nothing worse than making a life-long commitment with someone with whom you were once compatible, only to find that one of you changed drastically as you grew further into adulthood. And people wonder why couples seem to "grow apart". Well, it's because they collaborated before they were done growing. Find your path first, then look for a ride-along partner: someone who is traveling the same road. What's the rush?

Perhaps we should look at marriage the way that we look at cars or homes. You have a starter home? Maybe in this day and age, we need "starter marriages". Perhaps we should have a different partner for each phase of our lives? If you want to get married young, perhaps a lease could be created -you know, 10 years with an option to buy later? See how it goes? Let's say there is one partner for ages 20-40ish. If things are compatible by 40 you could have the option to renew. If not, out you go and find someone more compatible for that stage of your life: 40-65ish. After 65, maybe there is someone else more your "speed"? Hmmm...

OR.... why not just play it solo for a while and see how it goes? Why make "marriage" a life goal when you are 10 years old? Society does pressure us to couple (a rant for another day...), but isn't it better to be prepared before going in? Would you go camping with no back-pack/supplies? Would you take a vacation with no money? Would you go on a road-trip without studying MapQuest? Sure, you may do these things -but whose success rate would be better? The fly-by-night, see how it goes person, or the person fully prepared for the adventure? I'm going to be 31 in a few months and I STILL don't think I would be ready at this point to legally bind myself to another human being. I'm not done being "Laurie" yet. Maybe someday, I suppose.

Something to think about....

UPDATE ON SEPT 28

Well, it turns out that this was the exact topic of conversation on 103.1 Fresh FM earlier in the week. I didn't hear the segment, only the brief mention of the previous conversation, this morning during the show. I have no idea what Mindy (of D, Mindy and Gord) said... so if this sounds like a regurgitation, sorry... I have no idea what her view was -only that she was discussing "starter marriages". Hmmm.. maybe we're on to something here...

Also --September 29th's "Live At 5" had Fresh FM's, Jeff Kelly discussing the most recent COSMO magazine with its editor. The leading caption on the cover: "Marriage By 30 Or Bust!" Good grief.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Is the face of marriage changing? If so, is it appropriate for it to evolve to meet the needs of a modern society?

Two Roads Diverged In A Yellow Wood....

2007-09-26T10:42:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the first-ever installment of "The Schultz Files" at its new location: http://theschultzfiles.blogspot.com/

My name is Laurie C. Schultz and I am a single, almost-31 year old woman who has chosen career over marriage, cats over children, Teaching over Journalism, education over vacations, chocolate over vanilla, and so on and so forth. I have stood at the fork in the road many times, and much like Robert Frost, was "sorry I could not travel both". The path I have chosen has formed the person I am today. We all make choices, and the consequences of those choices are what we must muddle through on our way to becoming the people that the Fates have designed for us to be. This nifty little piece of cyber space is a perfect forum for me to discuss, and most likely critique, that which is going on around me, as I make my way down the path. Those who know me know that I am often heard expressing my opinion regarding the matters of the day, so why not extend the opportunity to the great-many out there in the vast internet space-time continuum? Now you may be wondering, "why do I care what Laurie's opinions are?", and quite frankly, you probably don't. In all honesty, this is a space for my own personal catharsis. For me, the best way to exercise my thoughts and opinions is via the written word. "The Schultz Files" are there for your examination, should you be even mildly interested in the little world inside my "noggin". You are cordially invited to explore my take on issues that are of a personal concern to me. If you'd like to engage in some dialogue, by all means, please respond. Sometimes I'll ask for an opinion, and sometimes I'll give you one. The thoughts and opinions expressed in "The Schultz Files" are my own. We are all a product of our experiences, and the events of my life have had a definite influence on my assumptive world view -as I suspect yours have done for you. You may not ever agree with me, but if my perspective is enough to at least make you think about the issue, and your own personal viewpoint in a critical, reflective manner, my job is done. I believe the best discussion arises when perspectives collide, for how boring would life be if we all agreed all the time!

Welcome to the journey.

Laurie C. Schultz